Trump Gives Putin The Greatest Massage On His Hacking Arm, No One Gives Better Massages

MOSCOW—Arriving to visit Putin on one of his first diplomatic trips as President, Donald Trump reached out to his ally and best friend who hacked the Democratic National Convention and John Podesta passing the data to Wikileaks and swinging the election in Trump’s favor.

Upon shaking Putin’s hand Trump realized that he was in pain and asked what was wrong. Putin replied, “Donald, you see I have been up many nights personally hacking to help you win this election. The repetitive motions involved in Keylogging and DDOS hacking methods of infiltration have left me with Carpal Tunnel.”

Trump of course promised to fix the situation by giving Putin the best massage. Because no one gives better massages. It’s going to be terrific.